With the past seven months of being with you, you never failed to make laugh and smile and even cry. Believe it or not, you’ve been with me in some of my important events. Let me share some of the memories we had.
It was in the end of October when we started talking, it was actually our village trick or treat. I was actually ignoring you, and not comfortable with the fact that you’re from somewhere else. It was odd talking to a person you haven’t seen, touch, nor smell. Days, passed by, and believe or not, you were able to get my trust. I noticed how you effortlessly message me every morning while I’m on my way to my review center. Yes, we started when I was just reviewing for my Nursing licensure exam. You effortlessly, message me even if it’s past your bedtime or even if you’re at work. Oh and remember how you first told me that you have to delete me over the weekend? And you were hesitating to tell me why. It’s because you have kids, and you don’t want them to know that you were talking to a girl. You don’t want them to think anything bad against you. I understood that and you’re quite funny telling me that I would delete you just because of that reason. I’m not that dense and shallow to judge you.
We talked everyday, well almost. You have to leave every weekend for the girls. Remember why I called you “waffles”? Because we both love waffles, the only difference is that, you don’t eat them during breakfast. You just had to have coffee every morning, specifically from Tim’s. I remember, you have to leave for almost 2 weeks, for the holidays. I wasn’t expecting you to come back, because I only know few people keep their words. I took the exam on December, you wished me luck and told I’d do good and you believe that I’m going to make it.
January came, and so are you. You were back from the holidays. I can’t exactly remember how and when I sent you UDD’s songs Turn It Well and Tadhana. It became our favorite, and days passed by, I started to fall for you. I wasn’t expecting this to happen. I wasn’t expecting it to be you.
I applied for a job, a job I’m not expecting that I would get through and you were there…. Supporting and telling me that I’m amazing and smart. Remember how we would find time just to talk? Since we’ve got different timezones, I effortlessly stay up every evening just to be with you while you’re at work and same with you. Do you still remember how we first said “I love us”?
Days passed by. Feelings gone deeper. Each day I look forward to talking to you. I became clingy. You gave me that feeling like a “teen-age-girl” waiting excitedly for her man’s message every minute.
Remember how we celebrated Valentine’s day? It was simple I highly appreciated it. You have no idea how I really wanted you next to me.
I treasure each day we talk, I treasure every moments we had. Even if sometimes we ran out of topics to talk to about, we still find a way to have a good convo.
“Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read but look at you go, little buddy! Today I should take a moment and send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just I’ve done. I don’t care if you lick windows, or interfere with farm animals. You hang in there cupcake, you’re fucking special to me, you’re my friend, look at you smiling at you’re phone! You crayon eating bastard you!” —- still remember when you sent this message? I totally lolled at this and realized how meaningful it was
Remember when you sent your first ever voice note to me? I know how much you hated your voice… but still you sent me one… Thanks. Oh not just one but a lot…. Including that “flirty scooby doo” voice note.
It’s funny how you always call me “Geeyan” and keep on telling me I’m Chinese. I still remember how you pronounce sinigang and that voice note you sent me saying sabihin mo lang.
I love and appreciate how we find several ways on how we are going to talk once you’re back at home. We tried several ways and it all worked fine. Better than nothing, like what you’ve said.
There were times that we had misunderstandings. Like the twitter issues… you being jealous with “kookie” who turns out to be my gay friend and me being jealous to a girl you didn’t know.
We had plans and promises. I still have lots of things to say but I guess it’s just the way it is. I don’t know what’s in it for us. You didn’t want to talk to me because I offended you. I just wish I could undo things. I just wish we could still go back the way we used to be.
I gave you the option to decide. Remember how I won you back the first time you deleted me? I guess I don’t have to do that anymore. I guess I just have to let you decide for yourself. Just so you know, I will just be here. Like what I’ve said. Once you decide for us. I guess I just have to let it be. It might hurt, but I have to accept it.
We have lots of memories, it just hurts that my scumbag brain couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wish I have the power to read your mind, and what’s going on in your mind… I wish I have answers. Direct answers… For now I’m clueless, you’re still there but you’re not saying anything.
I’m sorry and I miss you.
I love you.